massimo, antonio and the meseta

hello
my friend bernard told me one time about a philosopher, fulbert steffensky, who says that we often aren´t really living because we temper our lives with comfort. and that when we are cold or hungry or thirsty, we know we are alive. we agree that that is one of the fabulous things of the camino. you really feel alive and exposed. i always thought of being untempered as being tired, or hungry or wet or cold, but bermard said being lonesome was also a part of being untempered. i didn´t want to notice that. but he is right. i guess i am really alive today because i´m sad and saying goodbye again.
for some reason, antonio and massimo make me happy. i smile when i see them. that has been the case from the first minutes i met them. just now i heard antonio´s voice in this room and i smile. they are good friends to each other, they laugh all the time, they depend on each other, and, happpily, they invited me into their lives. it is just great. well, today they decided it´s too hard to walk. they are going to take a bus to leon ( four days for me) and maybe further because the meseta is too hard. they both have health issues and the meseta scares them. reaching santiago is really important to them and they don´t want to risk that by walking on the meseta. it is so hot, and the road long. today there were no clouds and the temperature probably was into the 80´s when we reached the town we are in. but that means that i may not see them again. massimo says we will see each other in florence, but that is just a way of saying goodbye gently. we will have dinner tonight and tomorrow i will leave early, crying no doubt, and that will be that.
it is the best and the worst of the camino, getting really close to people and then leaving them when it is time.
i feel great physically. nothing hurts. i am relaxed and calm. i love the land even when it is hot. i have water and sunscreen and a hat and i am good to go. i have to admit that i looked ahead at the miles we had to walk this afternoon- you can see them- and i put on my ipod and gospel music. it was good. then a couple who are a little younger than i am started to gain on me and my old competitive spirit clicked in and off i went. thats no way to go to santiago, but it was fun.
but if i don´t have someone to be with at night, if i don´t find new friends, it will be hard. untempered i guess. i am a crazy person, i live alone, i like being alone for the most part, but i don´t look forward to being alone now.
i think it will take me 3 or 4 days to pass through the meseta. it really is gorgeous. last night a young man asked me how to get through it. i said don´t get through it, enjoy it. think of how lucky you are to be here now in this place. now i have to listen to myself.
there is only one couple who are still with me from the original group. they are really nice but don´t speak english. the father and son had to back off because the son´s ankle is hurting. gorg from germany is ahead.
there were proably other things i intended to say, but these things are on my mind.
bye from very very sunny spain.
mom, nonna, mary
a note to kathy coskran. the old man who kisses was out today. he talked to me when i was in castrojeriz. blah blah and then he leaned in to kiss me. i offered my cheek, he indicated my lips, i gave him my cheek, he tried for the lips. i pulled away. i didn´t think he was so cute this time. but he could have had my cheek. could this be the same guy?