Toulouse

Hi everyone-
Thank you for all of your comments. It is such a treat for me to find an internet cafe because I can talk with you!!! and look! an American keyboard! You might see lots of these!!!
Well, here is what's new.
I read a book by Annie Lamont in which she said that there are two kinds of prayer, "Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. and Help me! Help me! Help me!" I think for the first two weeks of my walk it was all thank you, thank you. Thank you to the Coskran's for introducing me to the Camino, thank you to my girls and their husbands for supporting the idea, thank you to Dominique for guiding me. Now I have had the flip side, Help Me! Help me! Help me! Here is what happened.
Last Monday when Dominique said he had a sore toe, I had no idea how sore. We left Castres at 10 am. Far too late on a hot day. We walked in the sun on asphalt for 4 hours. Dominique was really quiet and then I noticed limping. Once he took off his boot and tried to treat his toe. When he put it back on he cried out in pain. He broke out in a sweat. I said we had to stop, he said no and walked on. About an hour later he was a little out of his head. He asked me where we were. I knew we had to stop and we were in the middle of nowhere. I told him I would check my guide. I looked for the nearest town, but instead found that there was an Abbey nearby and that they took in pilgrims in emergencies. He agreed we had to flag a car. The second one that went by stopped and a young man gave us a ride to En Calcat and the monestary of Saint-Benoit, a Benedictine monestary. The monks called a doctor and gave us ice water and apple juice. By 4:30 pm a doctor had seen Dominique and told him he might have to stop. He had a huge infection that might need surgery. Now I am sorry to tell you this, but almost instantly I pictured Dominique's wife picking him up at the abbey and me walking in the hot sun, dying. I was so frightened. The abbey was a contempletive abbey so there was no talking. Only praying. We went to vespers and listened to beautiful chant from the monks, about 60 of them. Then we went to dinner, in silence. All I did was think about what to do. And, wipe away the tears that kept rolling down my cheeks. We went to vespers again at 9pm, 9am, mass at noon and vespers at 3pm. By this time I quit crying. There were about 15 women at the abbey on a retreat. I don't know if they were nuns or not. I couldn't ask. After dinner Dominique told me one of the women wanted to talk with me. We met in the garden and she told me that she had walked to Camino alone for one week and that I could do it. ( There must have been some talking going on in that place.) She spoke very good English and was enthusiastic about me walking. She said I must trust. That night I asked God to give me a very direct answer of what to do. I didn't want anything coy. I was too tired. I didn't want to walk if it was my ego leading and I didn't want to quit because I felt so good. This was Monday night. On the Sunday morning before, I had listened to my ipod. I love to listen to Gospel music on Sundays. One of the songs I heard had a line in it " walk in Jerusalem just like John." When I woke up on Tuesday morning, that song was going through my head. Pretty clear I thought. So on Tuesday we sat down and made a plan of where I would stop and how far I would walk. I was going to leave on Wednesday morning. On Tueday night after 9pm vespers another woman stopped me and said she had walked the Camino alone. She said "don't be afraid. We are never alone." So, I went to bed and when I woke up Dominique said he would hitchhike to Ravel, they next town and meet me. I walked. It was great. I didn't get lost, there was a thunder and lighting storm and I survived. Really, it was fun. Well, now it's Sunday. Dominique is in church. The antibiotics have worked on his toe ( he thinks it's St. Anthony, who knows. He prayed to find the healthy toe that went missing.) But for me, the most important thing is that I know I can do this by myself. I don't want to. It's lonely to walk alone. But I can. Yesterday I hit dominiques hiking pole by mistake. All of the sudden he was reciting Moliere and pretending to duel with me. How could I miss being around that? I believe that the idea that we are never alone can mean lots of things. One thing it means to me is that there are people everywhere who want to help. And I think the trust I must have is first with myself and then with others and finally with God.
Since then we have stayed in Ravel ( with great people who fixed lentil stew for dinner), in Les Calles with a very handsome couple who fixed a camembert tart and tomato soup and served fabulous wine. ( He also massaged her feet in the garden after they went for a bike ride. Lessons are all around me.) We have walked on a canal for the last three days. First Le Rigole, a tiny thing I think is used for irrigation and then the Canal Midi. It was perfect for sore feet, flat and shaded. There were so many barges on the Canal Midi, like houseboats. It was so much fun to see. All day today was similar to walking around the lakes. Many bikers, walkers, runners. I know for sure I am a city girl. I feel right at home here in Toulouse. I can't believe how close we are getting to Spain. Yikes.
The hardest thing for me is when we have to stay in creepy places. Last night was one. Some nasty old mattress on the floor. I spread my sheet and sleeping bag on it and try not to move. Impossible for me. But I slept well and here I am. I know it's part of the experience, but not one I like.

Notes:
Ginny I am being good to my feet. One dicey nail. No blisters.
Carlotta, my Italian words are getting stepped on by some rusty old French ones that are crawling up from a deep place in my brain, circa 1962. I need to meet an Italian.
Barb, I loved talking with you. But don't come. Who knows, tomorrow it may be me who has to stop. Things happen fast on the Camino.
Erika and Benji, I will take Oscar to the State Fair next year. I am happy he liked it. Who wouldn't! I stop and talk to babies whenever I see them.
Alison, I can't wait till the 6th to hear the rest of the story.
I love you all. Thanks for being with me.
Mom/Mary